Grateful

I'm a very nostalgic person. It's something I've become increasingly aware of over the last few years, and particularly at this, my favourite time of year. It's not so much that I live in the past, or waste my life wishing I could get back days gone by, or at least I hope I don't! But I have always had a very vivid long-term memory, and I absolutely love talking about childhood memories, mostly happy ones, but even the not so happy ones. Often these revolve around primary school, and the fun things wed get up to.

Now that I'm a 'real adult' (who am I kidding, I'm going on 20 and feel more like 12!), and spend term time in my own house, doing all my cooking and cleaning myself, I have begun to reflect more often on how much my parents did for me growing up. I don't mean just the obvious things like providing me with, well, stuff! I mean EVERYTHING they did.

I think (and talk, my flatmates are very patient!) about every little detail, from the obvious traditions such as Christmas time and family holidays, to the more bizarre ones, like how grateful I am that I wasn't allowed to have and do certain things.

I wasn't the easiest child to bring up. It wasn't that I'm your typical 'wild' teenager or anything, I think most parents are expecting that one! It was more that I always struggled (and still do, lets face it) with the concept of being the child, not the parent or one of the adults. I was quick to voice my opinions and determined not to give up in a fight. I was always very independent minded and could be very negative towards authority, or even just advice, and was easily wound up and angered. Despite these outgoing traits, I was also rather an anxious kid, which I guess was hard work too. I was very afraid of things, and would get myself into a complete meltdown about the smallest things. All kids are like that to an extent, but personality certainly plays its role.

For these reasons, it would be easy for me to look back on my childhood and only remember the negatives: the times I ruined family days out by fighting with my parents; the times I fought with my sister; the times I refused to join in with the other kids because I was afraid of  whatever they were doing or immaturely viewed myself as one of the adults and therefore too old for silly games. But I don't. I really don't. Obviously, the times I hurt people will always be a regret, but otherwise I genuinely now think I was one of the luckiest children in the world.

For example, things that at the time made my parents 'strict', have actually shaped me into the person I've become. For example, I am SO glad that I didn't have a access to a computer, the internet or any games consoles until I was 11/12 years old, and that my parents restricted how much TV I watched, because I fell in love with reading and books, and spent hours inventing elaborate imaginary games, without which I would not have the creative capacity I do now. I love that my mum never let me put off my homework, because it gave me a desire to achieve high and work hard (I've lost some of that motivation over the years, now that its all too easy to put off, but that love of hard work and doing well remains!). I LIKED homework, I liked learning, I liked school.

I see kids sitting on their IPad, writing their Christmas lists, etc. and I don't criticise or judge the parent in particular, because its a different time and a totally different case which is none of my business, but I love that I was encouraged to play outside when the weather was nice, and I'm glad that I only ever asked Santa for one present, because I treasure the pure delight brought by all the surprises on Christmas day.

Little things that seemed petty, annoying, or uncool at the time are things I'm now grateful for, because they taught me that life doesn't just hand you every single thing you want on a plate.

These are just a few, brief examples and possibly mean nothing to others because we all have our own experiences and memories. But I suppose the point is that I'm glad that I can look back on my childhood, despite the inevitable ups and downs, and think damn I was one lucky, relatively carefree kid who has been set up in a way that can only be described as privileged. I don't just mean financial comfort, but in terms of attitude. My parents taught me to be kind, intelligent, appreciative, sensitive and I am, in a way only possible because they taught me how to be so, grateful.